Dating Tips & Tricks vs. Authenticity

Just ran into another quality article from Brandon over at Yintegrity - highly recommended food for thought:

Dating tips, games and tricks boil down to these things: being aloof, playing hard to get, acting like you have a life, not acting needy, demonstrating value.

Fact is this: these things work. They definitely work with many, many people. The second you throw out a lure of aloofness, most people will jump to bite it.

The deeper you go into these tips and tactics, the more you find they are filled to the brim with fear, weakness and manipulation. Tricks and games are for the weak and manipulative. This is essential to understand. Only out of weakness, fear and neediness can these tricks arise, and everyone is interested in teaching you the tricks! If you take a look to the right of this page, 1/2 of those sponsored links want you to use one trick or another. But using these tricks makes the very real situation as to why you would even consider using them bigger, but now there is a beautiful decor around it. This is an absolute irony.

What needs to be looked at is this fear, this weakness that drives one to need and want the tactics in the first place. It’s that same fear that sends a person into a pit in the first place. It all comes from the same energy. You feel inferior and weak, so you look for help and find other things along the same lines as that fear. Then that fear leads to manipulation, weakness and no sense of confidence in anything. The string of logic gets so logical that there becomes endless hallway with an exit sign getting further away as you walk towards it. Logically you want to go towards the exit, but all you need to do is turn around to see the real exit.

The point of acting not needy, acting aloof, playing hard to get is to simulate, to copy someone that actually has these traits. These tricks have been discovered by observing people who are actually not needy and watching how men responds to it. Then they take it and run with it. They begin to act not needy towards guys, and lo and behold, they find it works wonders.

But there is a problem. People can only lie so long before a number of things happen: they become angry, depressed, repressed, attract things into their life they don’t want, and attract situations they weren’t honestly ready for.

If you lie that you are millionaire but only have pennies in your bank account and are asked to invest $5.1 million into a large company, you have thrown yourself into a situation you are not ready for. There is no way you can do it! And because you keep up the lie, you panic, stress, get depressed until the inevitable truth reveals itself.

Lying, when you act aloof to get a guy, you are bringing in a situation into your life which you are not in resonance with. There is no natural harmony. Then, stress arises, anger arises, and depression arises.

You can see this happening everywhere. People pretend to be something they are not. If ever I find myself in a situation that stresses me so, maybe even strikes fear into the heart, I remember to come back to authenticity, become aware and wake up. Then whatever happens is the way it was suppose to happen.

Authenticity is one of the few things that we come into the world with. Then as we adjust more and more to the outside world, we start realizing that it can be sold. It can be sold for tantalizing things like a new house, more friends a lover. We start selling it away like we are an auction selling to the highest bidder.

You want the lover, the friends but it seems easier to trick somebody into thinking you are something you’re not rather than actually going to the core of you.

Revealing the core of you makes you vulnerable in a sense, hence there is a great desire to keep up the lies and keep the vulnerability sealed away. It’s similar to taking a rotted out wall with termites, holes and infestation and painting over it with a bucket of blue paint it to cover it up. It’s easier to paint over it rather than to air out the wall. You end up putting so many layers of paint on you forget about the wall underneath rotting away. Then one day you pull back the paint to find the entire wall has rotted away… and maggots and termites are the only thing left.

But you are different from a wall. A wall rots away, but you cannot. In fact, the more you reveal yourself, the authenticity comes out of you, the more you grow, the more you flourish. The more lies build up over you, the more you decay on the inside. Your inner being likes to see the light of day. It thrives that way.

Otherwise, you lose your authenticity, you lose your window of happiness, relaxation and you continue to worry. You worry about keeping up your image and you worry about all of the circumstances you weren’t ready for. Love is desired, but what’s the use if one can’t even enjoy it? Love is received to this faulty persona, not to the real you, and you will never feel like you are truly loved until you are truly authentic. You will alway have that burning feeling that tells you “they only love my image, they can’t love the real me because look how hollow I am.”

It’s a “from the inside out” job. The more the inside is allowed to come out and play, you get a taste of fresh and become intoxicated with yourself. One becomes intoxicated with the real joy of love.